foxnewsofficial:

cumomelet:

a riddle:

a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” 
how is this possible? 

omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that

(via worldofmy-own)

to every bug i have ever killed i am sorry :/

durbikins:

…sorry that your bitch asses came into my house uninvited

(Source: nahr4lma, via hotboyproblems)

meanieweeny:

meanieweeny:

last week I applied to a tea store called teavana and on the application it asked why I left my old job at a pizza place and I said “I guess working in fast food just wasn’t my cup of tea” and it’s been a week and I’m still laughing at myself

update: I got the job

(via although)